So here is a donation link to those that want to help out: https://www.paypal.com/cgi-bin/webscr?cm
See that ring? (Who can't? The pic is omega HUEG!) I have had that ring for a near solid ten years and only just broke it out. Why? Because I couldn't wear it in the past and it just dawned on me that I could finally wear something that said Pagan (but in a nice, classy way) that wasn't a rock. Not saying that I don't love my tourmalated quartz (it's 3 AM, I'mma misspell if I wunt, mahn! (Cuz I'm too lazy to get a dictionary)) necklace or my fire agate ring (which has a crack in it so I might be making a fire agate bracelet with rutliated quartz beads) because I do and they really do keep me on the level but I never really had anything that had a symbol of my faith ...and ain't look gaudy as all get out like other pentacles do. I got this ring a long time ago from Avalon Moon and mom freaked about it when she got the mail, thinking it was devil stuff. Since I am the type to avoid conflict, I never really wore it. I got this ring because I don't like to erase the fact that at one point in history, I was actually Christian. I'm not bitter about leaving the faith, I comfortably (to put it as loosely as possible) passed from one faith to the other and don't want to erase that part of my history as if it never happened or I was ashamed of it. Nah. The trinity is a great symbol of the combo because I learned stuff from both faiths and the trinity is both used in Christianity and Paganism (plus, I'm a P.O.D. fan, which leads to why the star looks the way it does) and the pentacle looks really reminiscent of the star in the Tribal logo, a brand P.O.D. is really closely related to and means a lot to me because of it. So basically, the whole look, however minimal, has more meaning to me than a huge pentacle that's big enough to double as a spinning rim. So yay, I can wear that ring (it's a lil' loose but that's prolly cos it's cold out and once things really warm up, it'll fit me just nice) and if people don't like it, I don't have to care at all, which is the best thing evar.
Today is the first day of Spring...and Chester's birthday! Yay! As per usual, I have nothing planned. I may nag Jess and John about events tho so that might change. I miss when we would spend time driving throughout the night or hanging out at UMBC in the wooded areas talking metaphysics. Things are so different and I don't like that. I prolly am gonna call Sonny and Marcos (leaning to "most likely") because I texted Marcos and got a "Who is this" which is very much not good. His memory needs le joggin! And a call to Sonny for the same thing, so I can avoid a future "Who is this?" with him as well. I knew I should have sat them down and made them put my info in their phones. How'd I know this was gonna happen? Meh. At least it ain't a big faux pas and I'm not really the one at fault because I have texted them both earlier so we could avoid this XD Ah alors.
On the job front - yep, still in search of the normal 9-5 - I had a phone interview to work at the Health Science library, I hope I get the position (or any position at any library, I'm way at the point where I am very much not picky at all). I need stability that a normal 9-5 provides. I love the Arts but it's no question that you can't get a steady paycheck from it and there's more glamour and smoke and mirror than needed to cover up that fact. I think I know more folks who are in music or in the other Fine Arts and are *not* making bank. Good art does not always equal cheddar for days. Part of the problem is the gatekeeping, moochers and watering down of what is considered art and the distrust that stuff brews - oh and the idea that if you work for free for some random dude, soon they'll be big and it'll pay off big time. Nah holmes, that ain't how it really goes down. I always wanted a career in libraries anyways so it's not like I'm giving up some life dream, I'm just adding to it because I need to. Though it can be a tad funny when talking to my musician friends about jobs and resumes and all the jitterbugging you're supposed to do to get a job in this crappy economy because just about none of them really had career jobs or job jobs because their aim was the music and it struck for the lot of them. So for some, the last normal job they worked could be as much as over 10 years ago so it can be interesting the conversations that can be had about how to do resumes and the hows and whats or the basic "Wait, I thought you were going to get a job in the music industry." Nope. I like the idea of having friends, it's pretty neat and I'd like to keep that going. I haven't met much happy folk in the depths of the industry. I just like helpin people along with stuff. And having a normal job (that's preferably behind the scenes because I like my odd clothes. I may want to be a librarian but I certainly don't want to look as boring as one.)
Therapy is doing well, I am getting back to the point (I think) of wanting to do meditation and psionics and major exercising. I'm still fairly depressed and got a metric boatload of issues going on but meh, you know. At least I'm not self-harming like I used to and not always succumbing to mental breakdowns like I was roughly this time last year. And I'm not as suicidal as before, just fairly medium-moderate. Not bad but it's not like the thoughts no longer linger. I don't know if those will never go away. I still need my Relax & Sleep app to sleep tho so the bad thoughts stay away (tho I did sleep without it once this past week! It was odd)
I'm gonna write for the next Shades of Faith and if I can get my nutty self together, talk to some publishers for once and finish up some works. I have lots of creative works I couldn't work on because I was simply too batty to and want to get to them. I just need to go get some ginger beer and work on them all, there's so much stuff I would like to do. I feel forever guilty because I couldn't get the first BW book off the ground like I wanted to. Big fail. I swear, sometimes I wish I had an assistant or someone who could take on at least half the thinking for me.
I am driving but it pains me to talk about it so that's it.
And, yep yep. That's life for me. I think I need to blog more on my normal LJ because I don't like how restrictive I'm getting at BW. I wanted to avoid creating a persona and what happens? I gots a persona. Not cool, mahn. Not cool. And I need to start a Kickstarter or something to get me to CA for the next Pantheacon, I'll be speaking at the next one, which is rad.
Makin new stuff for the shop, it's really gotten a lot of wind since I started selling the marimos. This makes me very happy! Very happy. I'm runnin low on vials and everything, it's almost like I can't keep them in stock. I think I sold out of the amethyst one twice or three times, it's really something. Once I get the vials back in stock (which is super shortly) and perhaps a few new stones, I'll announce to EGL and other places that I'm ready for major sales.
And I did gold panning, which was fun. I just got an idea for that one day and went for it. Didn't really pan out exactly as I wanted but I did find out something new: I really like the look of black sand and gold nuggets together. I've an idea for that! Turns out if I panned the amount of gold needed to do my marimos, they'd easily would cost over $1000, without fail. This is also excluding the fact that the nuggets are small enough to get lost when the buyer cleans their marimo, not good for anyone. I'm not abandoning my new idea for the marimo, the lux marimo, just revamping it and I still have sellable goods. Very sellable. I still have black sand and dropped gold to pan (I've 4+ lbs. of this stuff) so I won't really run out but I will put out limited stock with a matching price because, hey, I'm still selling legit, out-the-ground gold here. Just that alone can sell itself. Chances are stupidly good that I'll price it between $40-120, depending on the vial and quantity. Maybe 80, I dunno.
This is nice because I've been feelin like crap for a while. I swear, my mind never leaves me alone. It's really hard to sleep in silence because my brain goes into overdrive towards my jacked up memories and feelings. And yay for being lukewarm suicidal all the time, it seems tough to keep me happy and just about everything stresses me out. I get so frustrated with everything and I feel really closed in or left behind but mostly closed in. Very frustrating.
There seems to be a lot of music shows popping up that I hear about or even may want to go to. The one I’m the most excited to attend is P.O.D. on Feb 19th! They’re gonna be there with Shinedown and Three Days Grace. This is fantastic! And I might be walking them around the city! My 15 year old self is dyin right now, w00t! Guest list too! I really appreciate it, I’ve loved P.O.D. for 10 years now! I just am very happy, this is so amazing. I still remember how I learned about them and oh my gods, hanging with them has been a dream! I may be able to bring a friend who I rebonded with over FB. We knew each other since elementary school! She’s a big fan of 3DG so I’ma try my darnest to get her in on the guest list too. It’s only right. :3
Then there’s the buzz about Coheed and Cambria from several friends. I’ve seen them live when they were performing with Linkin Park and Chiodos back in I thiiiiiiiiiink ‘07 or ‘08. They were pretty good. I have to keep reminding myself I don’t have their guitar pick but the one from Staind XD (Wait, I’m not sure, it’s a toss up because I have two unmarked ones so I might) I do remember getting three fans to meet the guitarist, Mike, I believe his name is, after the show. It was really nice, I was bummed I couldn’t catch LP (who I came to see and thus far hold the no. 1 spot of “Most expensive concert I have paid for”* at $56) but still hyped about the show and somehow I was with these three CaC fans and said “You wanna meet Coheed and Cambria?” This was after the show and I used my knowledge of where the tour buses were and we chatted for a while. I didn’t mind helping them out because they had a genuine love for the band that reminded me of myself when it comes to P.O.D. and boy did they show it. They would be so chipper telling me the defining features of the band members and I would tell them, “You’re still going to have to help me point them out because I don’t know them as well as you do,” which just made them even more happy. I told them to not to listen to the security that said “They’ve left, go home” and they waited despite the continual discouragement. It paid off, they pointed out Mike when the guy was walking by and the dude came over. It was so nice seeing the joy in the fans and the guitarist signed their show flyers. He even signed mine, which was nifty. And it turns out that those fans were one of the few that met the band because I don’t think they had an M&G like LP did. So, yeap, Coheed and Cambria are nice folks - wait, I remember running into the guitarist later that night because he was in the Days Inn next to the Baltimore Arena and since it was cold (it was Feb in Baltimore in the middle of the night.Freezing.) I was in the bar area drinking water and it turns out he was a seat down from me with some random lady having a drink of his own. He looked at me thinking I was some stalker fan and I said that I was an LP fan and only here to absorb the heat before going home and all was cool. I went home afterwards and that was that with CaC. They’re gonna be at the 9:30 Club and due to some history I’ve got with the venue (yaaaaaaaaaay relationships and music), I’ll totally pass. They’re great performers tho, I tell you that so if you can see them, go.
Block Party is coming to town so I’m thinking of seeing them. This would be quite cool and another one of my friends wants me to see The Roots on NYE, which I’m still mullin over in my head. I really wanna see Straight Line Stitch, I’m upset I missed them the last time.
Either way, I’m very much going to enjoy Shinedown, P.O.D. and Three Days Grace. I plan to drag P.O.D. to Bouillabaisse Cafe, a small lil’ eatery that I really like and think the guyzos will like too. My hair is natural so I won’t be able to wear my P.O.D. hat - it won’t fit! - but I got plenny o’ P.O.D. shirts and Warriors Promo Crew shirts to wear! Aw yiss. It’ll be too cold prolly to wear my Kings of the Tour P.O.D. tour jacket (I only really wear that when I go to Wing Chun practice). And I may derp a lil’ backstage.
* Most I’ve paid, not priciest I’ve ever attended. Priciest I think is the Summer Spirit Festival because I was placed in the $200+ seats (front row), which really shocked me because I didn’t even know until later. I was very dumbfounded when I learned. O.O
I posted this to the BW tumblr. Why? Cuz I wanted to say so and it was there. Rawr. And I'm taking in a kitty.
I had two odd dreams last night/today. The first one I already scribbled down but the second one I just had. It was like I was in some singing class/musical class and we all had to pair up in two's for our songs because they were gonna test us two at a time. I had gotten Whitney Houston's "Miracles", a very lovely song that I can very much sing. I was looking it over with one of the other students who also had the same song as me and while singing a testing note, one of the other students felt some need to try to over sing me. I was tempted to outsing them - I was only doing testing notes so I could get the flow of the song down - but somehow thought "I'll get in trouble again, they're annoying me tho. This ain't a competition." Apparently time passed and I didn't really study the song because I thought it was a piece of cake. Then the day of testing happened and I totally forgot about it 'til the teacher walked in. I only had the second half of the song with me and was getting worried about getting the first. My partner tried to help me out by showing me his copy but the teacher demanded he get tested first. While the partner was getting tested, I took this time to hop on the computer but it's like I had this weird touchscreen keyboard and it would spell just about any and everything but Whitney Houston "Miracles". I still pressed "Search" because I thought that it would do a "Showing results for 'Whitney Houston's Miracles' instead of' so on an so forth". Ain't work.I was not happy because it was my turn and I tried to flub for time until I had to come clean. I was so worried the teacher would outright fail me I pretty much begged to let him take a couple points off but let me still search out the song. The teacher, through some stroke of fortune, agreed. He was waiting for someone so he had some time to kill. I furiously looked for the lyrics online and got to this one singing site and thought I could print it. It printed me a beaded stone stretch bracelet with the words inscribed in either Theban, Ethiopian or some not-easy-to-read text. I was not happy. I tried looking again and came upon a site full of music lovers and lyrics. I tried clicking on the correct song but it took me to one of the members' profile page. I was getting quickly agitated. I just wanted the freakin song! I still try to stall for time until one of the other teachers come in to tell him that the person he was waiting for already left. Then they started having a conversation about Houston, inspired by my thick notebook with only half the lines written on them. I still was trying to look but instead of printouts, I kept getting stone stretch bracelets. I tried to hide them because I didn't want the teacher thinking I was playing around, I hid one in the emergency water valve and I think the other one I wore under my sleeve. When I had juuuuuust happened on to a site that would print the lyrics on paper, the internet decided to get slow but partly functional and print. Before I could see the computer get the print screen up, I woke up. XD