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11 May 2012 @ 10:29 pm
Bad day already and it only just struck noon  


Attempting to watch a movie, two movies to be exact. Pirates and Dark Shadows. In attempt to just see the movies, I've already figured today is not going to be a good day. First I woke up late but that's kinda my fault given I didn't feel like planning planning planning.  Welp, I shoulda because I would have been out the house earlier and hence missed the midday rush. Didn't. I just hate being out and about when people are around, there's a reason why I like abandoned buildings. I wore my newest Angelic Pretty dress and so far, while I've gotten stares - which I don't like - I haven't gotten anyone talking to me, which I am happy for. I don't feel like being approached. I rode the light rail because I didn't want to take the bus - guess what? I had to take the bus anyways because the light rail only went up to Timonium, yaaaaaaay. I hate riding the bus because I don't like being in close confines with people.

 

So I have to wait a while to watch a movie, which only bothers me because they're really late in the day. I like empty theatres or I get irritated, I should have woken up earlier, I'm tellin you. I'm trying to get something to eat but the only place that I prefer is on the other end of the whole shopping area, I hate going far distances. I'm not ashamed to wear lolita, I just rather be left alone. That and I don't like people. Huzzah.

 

Oh man, and there were two ladies with babies. God, I hate children. I had a serious dislike for them but then my sister shoved her kid on mom for the majority of a year and now I'm pretty sure I hate kids. Jeez, the kids thankfully weren't shrieking messes that I expected when they're in public but could the moms be so nice not to turn the middle of an eatery into an impromtu photoshoot? I'm glad they like their kids and think they're God's precious creatures (lolz, right, babies turn into adults and adults aren't always so godly, just flip through a history book.) but the middle of an eatery, a crowded one at that, is not the proper place for this crap. Take them outside or something and be sickly gushing there. I honestly swear, kids are their own birth control posters. I'm much happier not being tied down by kids but then again, I'm not very maternal - well, except to animals, I love animals.

 

So this is my day so far. I gotta ride a bus to get from point A to point B because, hey, with all the money that the MTA has, they don't want to really fix anything, it's much better to steal it instead so that's why there's all these "repairs" that could be better worded as "We just felt it was free money going to waste so we got the cheapest of everything and pocketed the difference." I had to forget that I'm not a moviegoer and there's reasons why I watch movies at home. There were moms and their squeaking and squealing kids in an eatery I had to walk a distance to get to. The second movie, Dark Shadows, is probably going to be packed because it's Johnny Depp and while he seems to be a decent person (dunno, never met him), teenieboppers are not. Ugh, I just hate people. And the Pirates movie cost a lot more than I thought because it turns out it was in 3D, as sayeth the tiny writing beside the title that blended into the background nearly. Ouai. And both my tablet and phone are dead (now finally charging, actually), which I never like. So today is going to be remarkably crappy, I'd go home now if I didn't purchase a ticket.

 

I swear, if I ever become rich (I know, everyone says that and it happens to just about 0% of them), I want a house that has a movie theatre built in. I don't mind movies (when they're not bad and/or full of racefail/genderfail/culturefail/classfail), I just want to watch them in empty places. With how things are going now, I shouldn't be surprised if both movies are going to be packed to the gills. And with loud, annoying people who think it's fun making fun of movies loudly and ruining everyone's experience. Or babies crying (people would bring their children to movies not 100% percent for the Sesame Street crowd - people brought a kid to The Watchmen and it started screaming in the middle of it. Y'know, as if people wanted a side soundtrack of a "Noises of a Daycare")

 

Today is going to suck.

 

::After Watching Pirates::

 

Empty theatre, woo hoo! I love empty theatres! The movie was enjoyable. Very enjoyable, I would have liked it just as much if it were in 2D than 3D, I don't need flashiness and neither did the movie, it is fine on it's own.

 

Now I've snuck into Dark Shadows (you don't think I'd pay for the price of two movies, yeah? Please, not at these prices). Not empty theatre. A handful of people but not stuffed. If it gets stuffed, I'm outta here. I don't like the shows they're showcasing, it's full of Whiteness, not my thing. I just hope the teenyboppers know not to get overly hyper, it's just a movie. Even I didn't foam at the mouth over Mystery Men and that movie is kinda responsible for part of my oddities today. I just keep thinking about when I saw The Dark Knight and good Gods would the kids wouldn't hush. I hope this doesn't suck. I already dealt with a couple that were like the Siskel and Ebert of movie theatres. "Oh, the seats are low", "The seats are beaten in". Christ, sorry if this theatre doesn't compare to your megaplex at home, shoulda stayed there if it's more to yeh liking. I really hope this experience doesn't ruin the Pirates, it was great. I know I won't be doing this again for a very long time, know that.

 

Finally, the actual movie. For a second there, I thought this would be nothing but previews, they just went on forever.

 

::After Watching Dark Shadows::

 

It wasn't a packed theatre but still, I rather be by myself. The movie was okay, everyone had a husky voice tho, I don't quite get why but eh, I wasn't watching for an enthralling and timeless tale, I watched because it was interesting in the commercials. Everyone was quiet, that's good. I still would have wanted an empty theatre. Now I'm back on the bus, I really wish people would stop sucking money out of the MTA like its free. I understand the desire to live richly but the light rail does need repair and not the every-two-weeks kind. I would like to go somewhere else but I'll prolly just go home like usual. I seriously don't think I do much of anything else with myself. And there are yuppies on the bus, why isn't the murder rate higher? O's game, of course. It is a yup pup magnet for sure, I'm convinced. Every year you have obnoxious suburbanites who cause noise and problems for everyone else and for a baseball team that's famed for losing. They're not from Baltimore so I don't know why they're here, it's not their team. They're just obnoxious and annoying, I should have gotten on the second bus. Actually, I may do that.

 

Yeap, off the bus and good thing: I forgot my parasol. I last remember I had it in SEARS and thankfully there it was. I was going to get something to eat but everywhere is so expensive and I seriously don't feel social right now. Plus, I think my feet are getting tired. I gotta work on stuff at home anyways.

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25 April 2012 @ 08:48 pm
Middle Class Culture, How Does That Work?  
Privilege can be annoying, especially when it wants to crowd for more space.

Y'see, I currently don't like the job that I'm at and looking for a change (yaaaaay, more resume writing). If anything, I would like to return back to the UMBC Library because it was better there than here but I'm not sure if I wanna go back to dealing with White Middle Class Privilege.

The one problem I always had was getting along. I had nothing but culture clashes when I came to UMBC, not with the international students but with the upper/middle class kids - I got along with the international kids fine, actually. The reason is because Working Class culture and Middle/Upper Class culture are extremely different - and Middle/Upper Class culture would like for you to play pretend to spare their feelings on the difference. Unless it's something tear-jerking like The Wire or Kony 2012, where the person who lacks the privilege is around and on display but can't talk back, hence, still silent. Otherwise, it's "this makes me uncomfy".

It bugs me because growing up, talking about this stuff such as race, class and how we have the short end of the stick was normal to the point that if you didn't talk about it, people thought something was wrong with you, you were delusional ("Oh, you must think you're one of them.") or overly sensitive for no reason (also known as "about to be used for entertainment purposes"). It was normal to talk about how the very idea of calling the police because you need help was considered funny and fade into talking about the game last night. That's normal talk to me. Always was, always will be. This is where Middle Class culture gets on my nerves because to them, being silent about that stuff - you know, the stuff they pretty much culturally benefit from so I don't know why it bothers them - is supposed to be the norm. That's bulls**t. Like I said, they benefit from it, why feel uncomfy about it? So, they can make jokes about what is "poor" or "ghetto" but when someone who actually was poor and is from the ghetto says something about their experience, it's problematic. Riiiiiiiiiiiight. I'll just pretend to understand a culture that's pretty much wrapped up in a bubble of protection and built like a cultural bomb shelter even though my culture taught me why it's so stupid and self-absorbed. It's hard for me to understand a culture I'm not part of, nor desire to be and wants me to keep quiet about my experiences because it's unfair. How about they learn about my way of life for f**king once? They benefit so it's not like they're the ones that's going to be hurt from it. I might come off as less scathing.

What I do learn from middle class culture, I kinda glean from Cracked and what I see. From my perspective, it looks like Pleasantville and they're really weird because of it. Laws work for them, they trust the police will protect - not harm - them, people are free to be terrible human beings with zero repercussions (unless someone calls the cops...and still that's not really a repercussion), murders are noteworthy occurences, people - even a nation - will care if one of them dies or goes missing (even if it was due to their own stupidity and lack of realism), crime is sexy and fun and the stuff in music videos and movies, the most human trials and tribulations are going to come from a gaming console, there's rules and authority and no culture of having to survive a single thing ever. That is not my world at all. I wouldn't know how to survive - hell, apparently I have difficulty communicating with them from what I've been told since at UMBC. It's frustrating and I hate it because I feel like I'm being told "You're bumming us out, we just wanna make fun of you, why take everything so seriously? It's just a joke - until you make fun of us, then it's mean." No, it's not. If I laugh at you because you can't handle some of the simplest life problems and tragedies, it's because it's funny to see someone react that way. Only when I was at UMBC did I see people respond emotionally about V Tech as if they knew someone there, that was funny to me because murders happen everyday and these guys totally bit the tear-jerking part of the story of a bunch of people being gunned down. I guess it's tragic but hey, people get shot everyday, can't cry over every cold body, that's stupid if you want to stay sane. Weep when you know the person, otherwise, stop being emo. It's not like they were there or heard the shots. I still remember when I was a kid, somebody was silenced by gunshots outside while I was falling asleep. It felt normal, I didn't really have a reaction because it was common, still kinda is. No yuppies sheddin' alligator tears over that. So I found it funny because it seemed like slapstick to me because I couldn't (and still kinda don't) understand why they feel this much pain over something that affects them nary at all.

It's current reincarnation is in the Kony 2012 nonsense. So the middle class on up cares about experiences where someone hasn't had it as good as them but only if that someone can't respond, especially to call bulls**t. Here you have a sob story about this really random bad guy in Africa who has created child soldiers and other blah blah that's been going on for yeeeeeeaaaars. The story is suppose to make you wanna put pressure on the American government and Ugandan government to catch this random bad guy who hasn't been in Uganda for years and suches. I yawn at this because when Ugandans talk about it, here comes the "You're making us uncomfy" crap. See, they didn't want to really help people, just hoverboat on their privilege and feel like they helped someone, please, no one correct them or call them out. That's meanie mean mean, they just wanna help the little weapons - I mean, chill'en - it's not their fault they're hella late to the party because a preferably White and overly privileged person didn't tell them to care about it. I mean, there's been talk about children soldiers for years, but from the people who experienced it and didn't have HBO-styled experiences at that. There's even a parallel that happens in America in the hood, no one who hasn't been personally affect is doing anything about that. (Actually, it's probably better that they don't.) Don't you hate it when someone's life doesn't work in sync with what your tv or a tear-jerking film told you? Cause then they tell you about how your culture plays some fault, how it's not all pretty and happy and with a clean beginning-middle-end like they do in the movies. Newp. And hai, I didn't even mention the mentality that comes with people who went through terrible things like these, they're not like the movies as the street smart and jive-talking kid. Nah, either they're verrrrry good at holding things down and code switching (which, after some thought, I decided I really don't want to become because of how unfair the trade-off was) or they're like me, completely aware and really growing to not like playing pretend when the benefit isn't mutual. And by mutual, I mean, I get something out of it too, not just keeping a sleeper happy.

Ugh, middle class culture, how does that work?

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15 April 2012 @ 01:42 am
The show was pretty good  

I had a good time at The Ting Tings show and look! I didn't meet the band, didn't have backstage, no special treatment, nothin. :3 The show was great, it was a fun time, jumping around and such. The light show was tremendous, flashers everywhere and all the time. The band gave great energy, it was a lot of fun, even through the mishaps such as a fallen bass drum which the female vocalist (Candy, I think her name is) stood on top of it and made the best of it. I was funny watching the roadies squirell around stage picking up after the performers as they ran around stage, even deliberately knocking things over.

 

I have to admit, it is the first time that I went to a dance-like show. Y'know, with less instruments and more electronica equipment. It was odd because that meant there were more synthetic sounds than actual instruments but hey, the band is two people, they gotta make up for it somehow. It was fun tho, I tried not to be a fuddy duddy stiff body.

 

The first act was not very good. I mean, she was okay but not very good. I like her sampling box (not using offical names, too tired) and the little light show it gave but it seemed to me that she just turned it on and sang to it much like anyone would do singing with the radio. All her instrumental and back up vocals were there in that one flashy box, she kinda just sung along. I like her comic book tights + heeled Timberlands tho, that was pretty cool. It also convinced me that I want to see Deadmau5 because at least he doesn't sing along with his electronica.

 

By the end of the show, I got a drumstick (mah first one) and a bag from HFS which had a bandana in it. Yayz!

 

Tommorow is laundry.

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14 April 2012 @ 07:49 pm
WTF, mah life  

My life right now:

 

At a Ting Tings concert, paid $30 for the tix, first time in aaaaaaaages I paid for a show. Not expecting to meet the band/no backstage. Feels weird, man.

 

Sitting less than 5 ft from tour bus, perfectly sane.

 

Notice tour bus has wi fi beaming like the star of Bethlehem, attempt to use, thouroughly thwarted.

 

Talked with a dj from HFS about olden days of HFS, exchange stories, doesn't feel like a dweeb.

 

Saw a cute guy with Bad Brains hoodie at CityLit Festival, I hope to see him again, wanna chat him up.

 

Might have cinched a publisher for BW :3

 


Dood. Things have changed, how did I not notice?

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13 April 2012 @ 07:40 pm
Wait wait, one more thing  

And while I love Janelle Monae like a kid loves cake, if I have to hear the We Are Fun song one more time, I may strangle someone. It's practically viral in radio play, don't they have other songs? Ditto with Gotye and The Black Keys. Just too much radio play, reminds me why I have an Mp3 player, oi. I don't mind they have their 15 but sheesh, too much can create burn out.

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13 April 2012 @ 07:34 pm
Lettin off steam  

Me right now: 75 views? It wasn't even that good a blog!

 

The most recent column today "Do the Creep Walk" really rocketed to popularity fast. I had 34 views by 1:58 this morning. The post went up at I think 12:26 AM. Geez, that's a lot in such a short period of time. By midday, it doubled. I honestly said at my screen, "What did I say?" I woke up to email notifications about likes and a reblog. This is just so odd.

 

And, I'm getting quickly bored with Feministing, their over-perkiness annoys me as much as its Whiteness. Christ, it reads like nearly every single middle-class White feminist I have ever met. No wonder the term Womanist exists. It bleeds with the super joviality ("OMG, you, like, are so super bada**, you rock!") that is found commonly in privileged Whiteness. I much prefer something waaaay more toned down than something that equates to a roaring applause just because I wear lolita and take martial arts. Be a little more serious and less bubbly, geez. And they need to intersect more, White girl problems don't equate Black girl problems - or any other girl. How annoying.

 

Then there's the anti-racist activists, both White and Black, they both get on my last nerves. White activists: Please stfu for a second. You annoy me. Seriously, knock off the "I am Trayvon Martin/Troy Davis/whatever Negro got killed", bulls**t. You are Zimmerman, mahn. You are the justice system that killed Troy Davis. It doesn't look like you have solidarity, you just co-opt'ing like crazy. Let Black activists handle that. Kony too, just knock it off. There's no Nobel prize to be had for being emo and having a bad case of the White Man's Burden. Don't you have some Jane Austen to read or Shakespeare to fap over? Black activists, please, for the love of God, bumpin Nas and Lupe does not make you smarter and stop with the romanticized ideas of Africa. Dude, I'm half Jamaican, have an aunt from Ghana and I'm pretty sure when I get married, my side of the aisle is going to look like the UN, I can honestly say what y'all thinking is wack. I'm glad y'all wanna give pseudo ego boosts, which is nice but since y'all like "books" (read: rachet literature), pick one up and read a section on rape culture and gender biases in the civil rights dept. from 1800s to Civil Rights to even now. Stop acting things are rosy when White folks aren't around and White culture/privilege is a threat. Lol, I call bulls**t. We have a hard time dealing with gays and masculinity, it ain't all good in the hood, Money. Please stop acting like you know everything, most y'all think knowledge is power but straight grimey about academics who actually have some knowledge. It's just sheisty through and through. Without intersection, we're fighting a lopsided battle.

 

And as much as I like to watch other ppl Tumblrs, the "proud to be a nerd"/Sherlock fapping/Doctor Who fapping/anything that's pretty much rebooted or has a startling amount of White character within fiction or fantasy fapping is really nerve grating, good lord. It almost seems like a requirement to be a part of subculture and have a tumblr to do this. I like Sailor Moon too but geez.

 

I think I have gotten most of the steam out.

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02 April 2012 @ 03:30 pm
BW plannin stuff  

Plannin a meet and greet an' suchness for Black Witch, this is really weird because frankly, I'm not social and don't do well around new people sometimes. Black Witch is just a persona, I'm a person and an introverted one at that. I wanna do the M&G on one hand because I thought it would be cool to do, it may even push the blog further and I really should be less of a hermit but on the other hand, it's scary because like I said, I don't do well with people and I've heard way too many stories of when reserved/introverted/socially anxious important person meets over social fans. Shucks, I still remember stories about Joe Hahn leaving M&Gs early and how word passed around ultra fast that if you weren't, like, the very first person in line to meet Linkin Park, your luck was racing against a clock. Yeah some fans would joke that Hahn would do better with a couple rolls of duct tape around his legs but others would feel like they were honestly dissed because they felt Hahn was expressing that the fans, the people who bought LP stuff and were honest fans, didn't matter to him. Hahn has said that it's because he gets bored at M&Gs (if you've seen the old ways of LP meet and greets, you can kinda see why. People line up, pass you by assembly-line style, all saying roughly the same thing over and over, all these strangers) so he would bounce out early but it would get to the point that the security would actually bar his path and pretty much go "Sit or be sat". I don't think Hahn does it anymore (I wouldn't be shocked if there were any chats from the other member to convince him to stay) but the thing is, just because you have a popular thing, it does not mean that you, the creator, will have the social personality of Kanye West.

I just worry I'll do the same thing. I worry that I'll get bored/anxious/annoyed really super fast and showcase it by checking my phone tons, trying to find some time to myself - that's possibly the easiest way to find out if I'm having a good time or feeling crowded, if you can actually see me, I have been known to disappear for hours at a time - and that it will make all these readers feel sour as all cain. Last I need to hear is "Oh, Black Witch don't like nobody. I thought she would be so nice." I can take people in bits and pieces but if the M&G goes really well, I could have a crowd - and crowds scare me. Yep. I don't like people despite being at countless concerts, festivals and other social functions. Gaze upon mah complexities for ah am human! I have ducked people so hard I even stashed myself away in abandon buildings. It's like that.

Why oh do I do these things to myself? Because I am full of derp.

I'll prolly have it in Mt. Vernon where there's libraries and a meta shop. I was thinking about having the meet up at a skating rink since I'm unbelievably social when skating but thought to the better of it. I'm very good at skating, I've done it since I was seven. That's apparently not the average person tho, as I have come to find out. Some readers may be super embarassed if they fall or stumble in front of me or something. It's no big deal, people fall on skates all the time, even I've had Tony Hawk-styled wipeouts on skates - I've even busted up half my face once back in middle school - but even I know that in the eyes of the fan, that's probably one of the most embarrassing things you could do short of flying into the person they're a fan of and making them fall. That's simply nuclear. Then there's money. Money to get there, money to stay there, money to eat there, etc etc etc. If the reader is coming from somewhere far, that could easily add up.

So, unless I'm given some wowing idea by friends, that's the plan: Mount Vernon meetup by the Washington Monument and go from there and do it on June 9, the 2nd anniversary of BW.

Yayz.

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13 March 2012 @ 10:44 am
Up to here  
Okay, so. I thought I could take an L but this bothered me, I'm looking up small presses for Black Witch now. This is getting on my nerves and here is why:

- The ebook looks crappy beyond compare
- I seriously don't think I could keep up with making all the books by hand. It is fun but trust me, it's gonna drive up the costs of the final product down the line
- The book can't be distributed like I want to
- It looks so half-baked
- I might as well since I'm also back into writing novels and I would have to do some shoppin anyways
- It's a half-baked mess
- It can be better than this

So I just gotta go through the same old song and dance that I did when I was younger. Yay for submissions and crap. Five bucks no one is going to publish BW and other nonsense such as that.
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12 March 2012 @ 03:42 pm
So srs  
I am too serious sometimes - okay, all the time. I don't herp derp enough. Always worried about this and that, yeah? I gets boring and emo sometimes too. Like "Oh hai, gotta be all srs" and stuff. I always tell myself, "Don't do this", "Don't do that", "If you're gonna hit 'im, try not with the whiffle ball bat." I swear, I take myself so seriously and such. It's tough having fun when you're worried of any potential flacks you could catch in the future. I always dislike people ragging on me and megafocusing on where I screwed up for their entertainment so I guess I try to be someone slightly different. Prolly because the real me is a real nutjob that can't talk straight and has no idea how to do stuff competently.

And then you have the Black Witch stuff, lord. So many rules I subject myself to because I'm such a worrywart over the stupidest things. Or I worry I'll offset my temper somehow (I really should get that checked out, it's not as bad as in the past but I would like to duck another potential trip to the nutter shop) or something. I have absolutely no freaking idea what the crap I am doing, to be honest. The success of BW is from me wailing and flailing and 100% winging it. I seriously derp more than people think. I don't sit there all cool-like with a mug of some awesome or rare drink and living in a cool, prolly-been-on-someone's-tumblr place and do BW stuff. Nope, I sit in my junky-beyond-compare-why-am-I-so-lazy room, figuring how to get my fridge all magically filled to the brim while still keeping my blackhole appitite, waste time on the internet, rage about gender and race and replay my personal screw ups in my head in the middle of it all. I don't know how to deal with fans/readers, I'm better off watching other people and kinda going, "Yeah, that looks about right." I am incredibly introverted and not good at being packaged as awesome and such. I don't like people very much, I am prone to have conversations with myself out loud (To others, it looks poorly for my sanity but trust me, I keep so much in, something's gotta get displaced), I am weepy about animals, I feel stagnant, I am a total broken record, totally. That hasn't even factored in my wack mental state. And the book, holy crap the book is just crappy beyond belief and compare. I am just glad that its out, I don't feel obligated anymore. I'ma take an L and just upgrade hardcore on BW Vol. 2. Maybe even search a little harder for a publisher.

I wanna have fun but there's so much bullsh*t in the world, it's kinda hard to focus. I'm kinda waiting for the day where social issues don't bother me, I'll barely notice privilege inequalities and just start finally developing interest in stuff like Doctor Who and being over-obsessive of My Little Pony and other things that doesn't at all capture my interests right now. Where I can understand or at the very least laugh at stupid jokes, even the ones that make fun of the ghetto and its violence and other traumatizing things like that or make take stereotypical pokes at Black slang. It's just hard because I have a hard time relating or finding it fun or even funny. I like stuff, oh sure, I love Cutie Honey for example and am in the process of getting Cutie Honey The Live, the whole series. I like to lurk Deadmau5's FB and tumblr because he reminds me a lot of my own friends, he has an adorable cat that he clearly loves and good personality. I am slightly emo I can't remember my Runescape account and hence have to start from scratch again. I play on the Sims3 compulsively (I could go on forever about The Sims), I managed to watch all of Red Dwarf, a favorite series of mine and I'm trying to find a way to secure Red Green. But even those things I don't like to talk about too much because I think it would annoy me since though I am a fan, I'm not an obsessive fan. I like to enjoy and fangirl solitarily and besides, how many people can I talk about Are You Being Served? and Last of the Summer Wine with? Most folks who like those shows are currently considering the AARP anyways so what's the point? It's hard to be all wacky and such because it's like, "So, what do I do?" I don't dance in public, I don't like being around people I'm not sure of (which is the very majority of people on the planet), I'm not schizo-spontaneous or anything interesting like that. I just go "Pplz = Commence shutting down and display no instance of having fun."  I go to parties - well, I go to concerts - I even go backstage and get to hobnob and such, y'know, stuff that the average person gets hyped over, and it is fun but trust me, do it enough and you'll be bored sooner or later. Deadmau5 is corrrrr-ect when he says this stuff is overhyped, it so is. Sometimes I like just lazing around my apt and such instead until I get pissed at myself for wasting a perfectly good day. And then there's the fact that it seems like almost everything is awashed in drugs now and that can very easily cramp my mood in less than a second. From stoners to full blown dope-fiend lean junkies, if they're there and active, I'm pretty pissed immediately and want to go home. Y'know, to the place that doesn't remind me of the very people who are responsible for either f*cking up my community or the lives of others through their selfish bullsh*t. Just like people have a hard time seeing Osama bin Laden and not think "Terrorist", I'm the exact same with anyone of the drug culture. I've simply worked too hard in my life keeping that stuff out just to let some version of it simply stride through the front door. So parties are an often no go, especially since inebriated people generally confuse being a stumbling moron with being cool and the life of the party. I don't like being touched, leaned on, staggered into or anything like that. I just want to have fun, enjoy the music, talk with people, stuff like that, not worry if a raid is going to happen if there are drugs or dealing with annoying drunkies. If I want to experience a raid, I'm quite happy going back into my memory when stuff like that was very commonplace when I was growing up - and is part of why I've sat in therapists' offices - besides, you've seen one type of drug junkie, you've seen them all and you already know how the story is going to play out. If I wanted to be around annoying drunkies (not people who can seem to keep their head together around alcoholic substances), I would just go to bars constantly. Ergh, ranting. 

So yeah, I take myself too seriously - and then there's the times I feel like I don't take myself seriously enough - how I have fun is very odd.

I think I used to act more silly on here before BW and such. I don't think I do enough cool stuff and I certainly do need to leave this job I currently have, it's quickly showing me it's not what I want at all. I wanna be a librarian, yeah, but not at Morgan. Too much bullsh*t. I know now not to work at any more HBCUs, that's fact. Man, I'm just annoyed at everything.

Oh, and something happy dappy - I'm gettin pudgy and stiff (I'm tellin you, I need to switch jobs) so I am starting with trying to put water back in my diet. I would drink soda constantly out of stress when I lived in my old apt and now I simply don't trust the super hard water in my apt. Things has changed! I broke and bought a faucet water filter (dear god, I better not be turning into a yuppie or a hipster. That's another post in itself but being on the hood diet will kill you, mate) so I can actually drink the water and not just simply stare at the faucet.
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23 February 2012 @ 10:42 am
Rock and Hip Hop, what's in it for Black Girls?  

So, continuing on from yesterday kinda. I thought about why I never liked hip hop for the longest time despite being raised in the golden age of it.

Now for some people, it's pretty easy to fathom why: it's misogynistic through and through. And for a genre that is supposed to define my race, it really does do a crappy job for the part of the Black race that doesn't own a dick. I mean, it's even expected, lauded even, if the guy disses women and pretty much portrays himself as a murderer and rapist (hey, what's the Black male stereotype again?) then he's considered tough and earned his place of noteworthiness. Yeah, fun to be a Black woman or a Black girl. So I can't stick in hip hop, everyone's too busy being real threatening and I don't like that.

So enters rock.

Rock, for the Black girl, is what Hip Hop became not to be: actually broad in subject matter and while there is misogyny in rock (Jet comes to mind), it's a whole metric f**kton less than what Hip Hop vomits in effort to look cool. There's songs where the woman is not an automatic whore and even if she were, she's still humanized ("Wrong Way" Sublime, "Ain't No Rest For The Wicked" Cage The Elephant, "What It's Like" Everlast). And not only is she humanized, it's not for the sole benefit of the guy but for herself. Hip hop is scared to try that because it doesn't loan itself to the hyper (bootleg) masculinity that it's known for. Women as...ppl?

Rock has more diversity of voice that hip hop greatly lacks. There's ultra masculine to gentle masculine. There's more depth beyond all the places they can stick their dick and how much drugs and violence they can partake in. Rock has that too but at least they seem to be aware that there's more to the world than that. Way more. Rock, in short, more humanized and hip hop is incredibly animalized. Yay for a stereotype revisit.

And let's focus on women in rock versus women in hip hop. There's more even tho there is some drought happening because I can think of Souxie and the Banshees, Joan Jett, Veruca Salt, Paramore, Flyleaf, The Ting Tings and those are the ones off the top of my head. And they don't strictly play to the "Drop Your Clothes" sales method nor pretend they're dolls on stage or on album ("Fruit Machine" The Ting Tings, "Shut Up And Let Me Go" The Ting Tings, "One Way Or Another" Blonde, "Nothin On Me" Veruca Salt) They're people, not dolls and they have ideas, urges and other perfectly human functions. Even Nicki Minaj has to have to be an oversexualized doll to get people to notice her. In rock, it's a little different and for me, a Black and female listener, it is all the difference I need because if hip hop wants to be disrespectful, then why listen? I shouldn't have to strain past the degradation of women (y'know, my gender) to listen to the actual song and I'm not going to. I very much cautiously like hip hop and I judge it harder than rock. I think the only hip hop albums I ever bought were Fort Minor and K-OS Atlantis. I'm cautious because I know hip hop and all I need is to hear something disrespectful to go, "Welp, not listening to him/her". It's the only way I can feel I can listen to my music without feeling disrespected on my own Mp3 player and online radio.

And that's my opinion on the difference of rock and hip hop. Time for juice and nap nap.

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