See that ring? (Who can't? The pic is omega HUEG!) I have had that ring for a near solid ten years and only just broke it out. Why? Because I couldn't wear it in the past and it just dawned on me that I could finally wear something that said Pagan (but in a nice, classy way) that wasn't a rock. Not saying that I don't love my tourmalated quartz (it's 3 AM, I'mma misspell if I wunt, mahn! (Cuz I'm too lazy to get a dictionary)) necklace or my fire agate ring (which has a crack in it so I might be making a fire agate bracelet with rutliated quartz beads) because I do and they really do keep me on the level but I never really had anything that had a symbol of my faith ...and ain't look gaudy as all get out like other pentacles do. I got this ring a long time ago from Avalon Moon and mom freaked about it when she got the mail, thinking it was devil stuff. Since I am the type to avoid conflict, I never really wore it. I got this ring because I don't like to erase the fact that at one point in history, I was actually Christian. I'm not bitter about leaving the faith, I comfortably (to put it as loosely as possible) passed from one faith to the other and don't want to erase that part of my history as if it never happened or I was ashamed of it. Nah. The trinity is a great symbol of the combo because I learned stuff from both faiths and the trinity is both used in Christianity and Paganism (plus, I'm a P.O.D. fan, which leads to why the star looks the way it does) and the pentacle looks really reminiscent of the star in the Tribal logo, a brand P.O.D. is really closely related to and means a lot to me because of it. So basically, the whole look, however minimal, has more meaning to me than a huge pentacle that's big enough to double as a spinning rim. So yay, I can wear that ring (it's a lil' loose but that's prolly cos it's cold out and once things really warm up, it'll fit me just nice) and if people don't like it, I don't have to care at all, which is the best thing evar.
Today is the first day of Spring...and Chester's birthday! Yay! As per usual, I have nothing planned. I may nag Jess and John about events tho so that might change. I miss when we would spend time driving throughout the night or hanging out at UMBC in the wooded areas talking metaphysics. Things are so different and I don't like that. I prolly am gonna call Sonny and Marcos (leaning to "most likely") because I texted Marcos and got a "Who is this" which is very much not good. His memory needs le joggin! And a call to Sonny for the same thing, so I can avoid a future "Who is this?" with him as well. I knew I should have sat them down and made them put my info in their phones. How'd I know this was gonna happen? Meh. At least it ain't a big faux pas and I'm not really the one at fault because I have texted them both earlier so we could avoid this XD Ah alors.
On the job front - yep, still in search of the normal 9-5 - I had a phone interview to work at the Health Science library, I hope I get the position (or any position at any library, I'm way at the point where I am very much not picky at all). I need stability that a normal 9-5 provides. I love the Arts but it's no question that you can't get a steady paycheck from it and there's more glamour and smoke and mirror than needed to cover up that fact. I think I know more folks who are in music or in the other Fine Arts and are *not* making bank. Good art does not always equal cheddar for days. Part of the problem is the gatekeeping, moochers and watering down of what is considered art and the distrust that stuff brews - oh and the idea that if you work for free for some random dude, soon they'll be big and it'll pay off big time. Nah holmes, that ain't how it really goes down. I always wanted a career in libraries anyways so it's not like I'm giving up some life dream, I'm just adding to it because I need to. Though it can be a tad funny when talking to my musician friends about jobs and resumes and all the jitterbugging you're supposed to do to get a job in this crappy economy because just about none of them really had career jobs or job jobs because their aim was the music and it struck for the lot of them. So for some, the last normal job they worked could be as much as over 10 years ago so it can be interesting the conversations that can be had about how to do resumes and the hows and whats or the basic "Wait, I thought you were going to get a job in the music industry." Nope. I like the idea of having friends, it's pretty neat and I'd like to keep that going. I haven't met much happy folk in the depths of the industry. I just like helpin people along with stuff. And having a normal job (that's preferably behind the scenes because I like my odd clothes. I may want to be a librarian but I certainly don't want to look as boring as one.)
Therapy is doing well, I am getting back to the point (I think) of wanting to do meditation and psionics and major exercising. I'm still fairly depressed and got a metric boatload of issues going on but meh, you know. At least I'm not self-harming like I used to and not always succumbing to mental breakdowns like I was roughly this time last year. And I'm not
as suicidal as before, just fairly medium-moderate. Not bad but it's not like the thoughts no longer linger. I don't know if those will never go away. I still need my Relax & Sleep app to sleep tho so the bad thoughts stay away (tho I did sleep without it once this past week! It was odd)
I'm gonna write for the next Shades of Faith and if I can get my nutty self together, talk to some publishers for once and finish up some works. I have lots of creative works I couldn't work on because I was simply too batty to and want to get to them. I just need to go get some ginger beer and work on them all, there's so much stuff I would like to do. I feel forever guilty because I couldn't get the first BW book off the ground like I wanted to. Big fail. I swear, sometimes I wish I had an assistant or someone who could take on at least half the thinking for me.
I am driving but it pains me to talk about it so that's it.
And, yep yep. That's life for me. I think I need to blog more on my normal LJ because I don't like how restrictive I'm getting at BW. I wanted to avoid creating a persona and what happens? I gots a persona. Not cool, mahn. Not cool. And I need to start a Kickstarter or something to get me to CA for the next Pantheacon, I'll be speaking at the next one, which is rad.
sad
amused
I'm an accomplished kitty!
I'm an apathetic kitty